We will never know peace.
The Kissing the Coronavirus series is back with a new installment, Covid Claus is Coming to Town.
If you’re familiar with this series, then I think you know what to expect. If you aren’t… I envy you.
I recommend leaving now before you learn things you will never be able to forget.
You’re still here, aren’t you?
Anyways, Covid Claus is Coming to Town follows Dr. Holly Mistletoe, who has had an… unfulfilling… year. That is, until early Christmas morning, when she hears a noise in her house and finds an unexpected guest.
This book might be more traumatizing than any of M. J. Edward’s previous books, which is saying something. To prove my point, here are a few quotes that stuck out to me:
“Dr Holly Mistletoe wanted one thing, and one thing alone this Christmas: a bloody good orgasm. It had been so long since Dr Mistletoe had felt the electrifying effects of a clit-ticklingly enjoyable cumming session.”
This is how the book starts
“She’d spent the day doing important zoology tasks, like stroking the zebras, laughing at the penguins (they look so fucking stupid lol)…”
Not the penguin slander-
(at least we got another woman in STEM protagonist, thank you, M. J. Edwards)
“No, it was the animals she spent most of her alone time with. And it wasn’t like she could do anything sexual with them. Not again.”
I’m sorry NOT AGAIN???
“A few weeks ago, she’d sucked off the mailman when he put his penis through her letterbox instead of her post.”
I don’t even know what to say anymore
“Then, Santa made his way down south, and not exactly to the South Pole.
Dr Mistletoe prodded her clitoris with Santa’s bulbous nose.”
I think I’m going to cry
“Instead, Dr Mistletoe rammed Santa’s hat so deep inside her she began to whistle to the tune of Jingle Bells.”
nevermind now I’m gonna cry
“But alas, she would be left without climax, much like the ending of The Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring. If Dr Mistletoe had to wait another two years to get a satisfying conclusion, much like with Peter Jackson’s famous fantasy epic based on the books by J.R.R. Tolkein, she would possibly go insane.”
I never knew I needed Lord of the Rings commentary in my coronavirus erotica but please tell me more
“Dr Mistletoe pulled her gun, which she always kept close in event of such a night, out from between her heaving flesh pillows.”
from between WHAT?
“‘FREEZE, INTRUDER!’ she echoed.
‘Ho ho oh no!’ said the hardened criminal.”
I just really liked this line
“‘YES DADDY COVID CLAUS,’”
please kill me
“Dr Mistletoe fumbled for Covid Claus’ cucumber cock,”
Every day we stray further from god.
“‘Now it’s time for me to show you what’s really inside Santa’s sack,’”
what have I done to deserve this? why is this my life now?
“Covid Claus thrust like he was trying to start a fire inside Dr Mistletoe’s vagina.
It was so hot which was ironic considering it was Christmas, which is generally quite cold unless you’re in Australia which is usually rather hot. Hot like the sex she was having.”
Beautiful writing here. Once again proving that this series is a literary masterpiece.
“Covid Claus grappled with Dr Mistletoe’s norks, slapping them about like they were a delicious joint of pre-roasted Christmas ham.”
It’s not an M. J. Edward’s book is there isn’t a scarring food metaphor
“And then, with a final, agonisingly deep thrust of his jolly green groin, Santa sneezed his jingle sperm all over her labia while she simultaneously had an orgasm that sent her through time and space itself.”
I can’t. I need to stop for my own sanity. I’m sorry
This is just the tip of the iceberg, but like always, I need to save some quotes for you to discover on your own.
Now if you’re a true M. J. Edward’s fan, you’ll know that just as important as the books are the author’s notes. and we get an update in this one! M. J. got her ferrets a Christmas present, and she’s in a happy relationship. I’m happy for her.
Anyway, that’s all I’m willing to talk about today. As always, please wear your mask, get vaccinated and boosted if you haven’t already, and I’m going to try and scrub this book from my memory.
Will you be reading this series?