So, if you were on the internet at the end up September, you might have heard of Kissing the Coronavirus by M. J. Edwards. If you didn’t… I envy you.
When this book started gaining attention from that memorable title, I knew I had to read it. And I did.
The New York Post and Daily Mail saw my review. And both quoted me in their coverage of Kissing the Coronavirus. My mom then saw those articles and sent them to my extended family. And now this is what I’m known for.
Since I’m already doomed to be known for reading coronavirus erotica, I thought I would share my review here as we prepare to read the sequel coming out on December 11th! (And don’t worry, I’ll be reviewing that as well)
I don’t know whether to give this 5 stars or 1 star.
Don’t get me wrong, this book is awful. Absolutely horrible. But in the best possible way. It is exactly what I wanted it to be.
But let’s get to some of the quotes, because there are quite a few here I wanted to share.
“Despite the devastation the virus was causing across the globe, Alexa felt a rush of excitement every time she picked up the Corona sample, like a pulsating, erect penis, desperate to unleash its devastation on anyone who touched it.”
This quote was right on the first page. It really sets us up for the rest of the book.
“her pussy so wet that the lace glided across her skin like a fat man on a water slide.”
“…so deprived of the feeling of a hot man-dog inside her lubricated pussy-bun…”
Can we just talk about these metaphors for a second? The first one was bad but I could look past it, but the second? I am never going to a barbecue again.
“So determined, in fact, that he had stopped listening to reason, and because Alexa had huge boobies, a thicc ass and nice legs, he would sometimes overlook her.”
I’m so glad this book tackles the real issues, like sexism and misogyny in STEM
“She loved beards, and a moustache was only the start of a beard, like micropenises are just the start of real penises. You need the rest of it for it to be truly meaningful.”
Alexa really said no mustaches allowed
“If only he had a beard. And was taller and had a big cock and was handsome and made her wet.
I don’t even know how to process this one. For context, the virus is very much not a human at this point. It’s just a virus in a vial
“Even the sound of the virus made her ovaries clash together like cymbals.“
“Alexa’s heart fluttered like it had done the time she’d fucked the farmer’s cross-eyed son and uncrossed his eyes.”
Please tell me we get a book about this
“‘Then… who are you?’ asked Alexa.
‘I don’t know.’
‘Do you know who you are?’
‘I think so,’ he said.”
If you couldn’t tell, the writing in this book is astounding. It’s absolutely beautiful. A masterpiece.
“A guttural, animalistic roar. So strong and powerful it made Alexa’s clitoris judder with anticipation.”
No thanks. Nope. Not today
“Suddenly a strong chonk of a finger rubbed across Alexa’s cheek.”
I’m sorry a what?
“‘What’s your name?’ she asked.
‘Call me Covid,’ he said.”
I… I think this speaks for itself
“And he spun her over, clamping his hands down on her ass, spreading her cheeks wide so he could thrust his warbling member deep into her pocket of ecstasy.”
Ah yes, what ever woman wants- having a “warbling member” thrusted into her “pocket of ecstasy”
“He filled her with love lotion, which oozed out instantly and spread right across the floor.”
…. I don’t even know what to say anymore
If you’re looking for a good laugh, you might want to pick this up. But don’t spend any money on it.
[Update: I ended up spending $6 on the paperback… so yeah]
Also remember to please wear a mask and social distance!
The sequel, Kissing the Coronavirus 2: The Second Wave, comes out this Friday, and I already have it preordered, so expect a review soon. Also, M. J. Edwards does have another book out, in case this wasn’t enough for you. It’s called Penetrated by the President’s Twitter Feed, and I’ll be sharing my review of that here as well, if you’d like. In the meantime, you can see my review over on Goodreads, or watch my videos on it! (video links: x, x)
Now, I need to know, have you read Kissing the Coronavirus? And what was your first reaction when you heard about it?