You might have noticed I’ve been a little absent these past few weeks.
And by a little, I mean I practically dropped off the face of the Earth. I didn’t want to just go back to my normal posting schedule without an explanation, but I also didn’t want to spend to much time talking about it, so hopefully this post will do.
Basically, I just had the perfect storm awfulness.
So much for enjoying spooky season.
My mom got really sick last month. She’s okay- she had an exasperation of a chronic illness she’s had for years, but because of it she has been in a lot of pain. Between school, work, theater, and trying to help her however I can, plus some family stuff that I won’t go into details on, I was very, very busy. However, what really kept me from posting as much as I wanted to, was my mental health.
I try to be as open as possible about my struggles with mental illness. It’s my small way of trying to fight the stigma against it. That said, it’s much easier to be open about it when I’m stable and my mental health is under control. That really hasn’t been the case for the past month or so.
A combination of anxiety, depression, and insomnia really hit me hard, and I lacked pretty much all motivation to do anything. I was getting no sleep (I broke my record for the least amount of sleep I had in a week at 12 hours, which isn’t exactly a positive, but it made sleep-deprived me laugh so I wanted to mention it), having frequent panic attacks, and I felt pretty hopeless. I didn’t even have the motivation or energy to read (I know, sacrilege), let alone write reviews or discussions. I really missed doing it, because this blog brings me so much happiness, but I was just in such a bad place that I couldn’t feel happy about anything.
But look: I’m posting! I’m definitely not completely better. I’m barely even a fraction of a percent better, but I’m not getting worse. I count that as a win!
I can’t promise I’ll be back to my reliable posting schedule immediately- things are still shaky and might be that way for at least a few weeks- but I just want you to know that I haven’t given up on you guys, and I’m still here.
I have some fun things in the works. There were a lot of things I wanted to post in October that I didn’t get the chance to. I still have a half-written draft of my New York Comic Con wrap up that I need to finish up! I also have some fun things up my sleeve for November that I can’t wait to share with you! (Anyone interested in a giveaway? Stay tuned to my blog this week for more details!)
Tomorrow, I’ll be posting my top 8 November 2019 book releases, and I have a couple of reviews that will be up in this next week. I also plan on having my October favorites and November TBR posted this week as well. Expect a post-heavy and fun-filled bookish week from me!
So… yeah. I’m not dead. I’m not yet okay, and I won’t pretend to be, but I’m working on it and I’m getting there. I’m just so grateful for everyone who’s been there for me, and for all of you guys who brighten my day by talking about books and fandoms and all of those things. You are part of the reason I’m fighting so hard to get better.
This is usually where I ask you guys a question, then plug my twitter/insta/etc. I feel like that would be weird here, but I want some semblance of normalcy sooooo…
What are some great things that have happened to you lately? I want to hear how you’ve been doing and what awesome things have brightened your month!
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6 responses to “Updates, Explanations, and Oversharing – Why I Disappeared”
Welcome back, Cait! I missed seeing you here and on Twitter, but I’m glad you’re working on healing. I hope everything goes smoothly from here on out 💙💙💙
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Thank you💙💙💙 I missed being here and talking to everyone!!!
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So proud of you, Cait!! Thank you for sharing you thoughts about how you have been feeling lately and how hard it has been to keep up the good fight. It takes an extraordinary amount of strength to post as you did when you feel like you are just pushing though to get by day to day. Many people share your struggle and your wise words about counting your wins offer a lot of hope. Ty!!!!
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